Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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