She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My ass is underappreciated
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize