I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
