I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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