Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
