So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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