if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
