i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
