You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
