I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
sarcasm needs its own font
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
