Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
