Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize