just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
