Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
