how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
