Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I bet he comes in French.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
