It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
