You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
