We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
