So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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