Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize