i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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