Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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