he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
