fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
