Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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