I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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