I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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