A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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