No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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