He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize