There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
