so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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