9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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