i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
