Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
