dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
