New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
