Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
