Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
