I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize