I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
