I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
