Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
