Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
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