please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Send help, water and tortillas.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
