I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
