Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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