can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
