i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
its not stalking. its research.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
