Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
