I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
