im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize