i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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