so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
