Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
