So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
