She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
