I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
