38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
