HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
