yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
His hands were made for my vagina.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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