yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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