Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
