Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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