she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
