Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
