Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
