I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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