So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize