please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
