Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
