So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
