based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
