The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
