PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
