i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize