I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
