dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
