it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you win again, gameday.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
