I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
