I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
how drunk are you?
Several
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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