i love accidental penises.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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