At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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